It wasn’t until the later part of the 1990’s when\u00a0my marriage was falling apart that I began to\u00a0accept I was a depressive. \u00a0I realized then that depression had always been a part of my life, I just chose to ignore it. \u00a0I remember\u00a0having\u00a0more persistent thoughts of suicide\u00a0during this time. Such thoughts flowed\u00a0forth in a river\u00a0of emotional pain after I\u00a0found out\u00a0the love of my life, my best friend, the one I trusted the most in life had betrayed our vows. \u00a0My thoughts of suicide though were\u00a0not her fault, these were my thoughts. \u00a0I quickly realized it was me who\u00a0needed to take responsibility for\u00a0them and also learn to deal with them while dwelling in the throes of depression.<\/p>\n
Easier said than done as they say…… \u00a0back then, I got very close to beginning the journey\u00a0down a road that would end my life. \u00a0As the years went by it became evident that how I was raised had been\u00a0a contributing\u00a0factor in how I ignored and suppressed my moods of depression. \u00a0However, my upbringing is also a key\u00a0component\u00a0in why I didn’t take my life. \u00a0My parents from\u00a0the example of their actions and deeds (whether I deemed them good or bad) had\u00a0instilled in me this tremendous will power<\/em> to live no matter if\u00a0the present reality felt\u00a0bleak. \u00a0I learned from them the art of distraction\u00a0away from my\u00a0problems to focus on staying busy in life and helping others.<\/p>\n I am a survivor starkly in contrast to those who have chosen to take their lives. \u00a0I don’t judge them, I accept them like I have accepted myself, my condition (what I\u00a0call My Abnormalities Normality) and totally respect their right to choice. \u00a0I though\u00a0have chosen a different path.\u00a0 A path to live despite the intense emotional pain I\u00a0suffer\u00a0with depression. \u00a0In my ongoing search to unravel the mystery of why I am the way I am., I’ve discovered a part of my depression stems from an\u00a0inherit emphatic sensitivity. \u00a0I have this high functioning mind with an empathic felt sense not only dialed into\u00a0myself but into those feelings filled with emotion emanating from\u00a0other fellow human beings. \u00a0What also adds to the condition\u00a0of this heighten, super charged\u00a0mind, is I am also\u00a0clairsentient. This high functioning state of mind often leads to a mental exhaustion and fragmentation that periodically\u00a0seeks\u00a0recuperation in the deep dark pit of depression. \u00a0While I’m dwelling in this shroud of melancholy is when the voice of suicide or the notion of life’s end becomes most prominent.<\/p>\n Over-time I have been able to let go of\u00a0all the socially embedded predispositions and inhibitions associated with having thoughts of suicide. \u00a0I have accepted and made peace with this ever present voice within my head. \u00a0I have shed all quilt and shame for the notion of life’s end being a part of the fabric that\u00a0makes me be uniquely myself. \u00a0As the end\u00a0portion of one of the poems in this book titled a voice within whispers<\/em> says…..<\/p>\n I\u2019m a survivor I let it be in peace My having an emphatic sensitivity and being\u00a0clairsentient\u00a0has ironically lent a helping hand in the\u00a0ongoing healing process of my mental conditions. \u00a0 The continued development of my\u00a0abilities has allowed me to emphatically put myself in another person’s shoes without experiencing transference and becoming overly sympathetic to their reality. \u00a0These abilities have helped me to\u00a0foresee\u00a0the devastating and lasting effect it would have on\u00a0my love ones if I chose to commit suicide. \u00a0 Hence, a\u00a0big contributing factor in why I have never committed the act regardless of my intense emotional pain suffered during periods of depression. \u00a0These abilities have allowed\u00a0me to be intelligently progressive in my spiritual growth\u00a0as a mystic and becoming\u00a0a social activist performance artist who uses his art to create change for the future betterment of THE HUMAN RACE. \u00a0Thus helping me to refine and improve the art of distraction\u00a0away from my\u00a0problems to focus on staying busy in life and helping others <\/em>that my parents\u00a0exemplified\u00a0during my childhood.<\/p>\n Let’s be truly\u00a0honest with ourselves…… depression or being bipolar can lead to suicide. \u00a0The aftermath of suicide has devastated family members and friends left behind to deal with the loss. \u00a0In 2015 I had the honor of walking 16 miles with my hero, mentor, editor and fellow artist Madeline Sharples. \u00a0Together in Boston we participated in the AFSP Out of the Darkness Walk in honor of her son Paul who was Bi-Polar and committed suicide. Madeline wrote a memoir with poems about the experience called Leaving the Hall lights On. Herein is my review of her book on Amazon …..<\/p>\n This memoir with poems by Madeline Sharples, I hope will have a positive effect on the reader’s intellect and values beyond the awareness of a mother’s tremendous courage as a human being to cope with and talk about the loss of her son. \u00a0Way beyond her gifted abilities to write so openly and poetically about her son’s life experience, his all-out struggle with a condition not fully understood and still felt as not normal by others. \u00a0Way, way beyond the heart wrenching trauma underwent by a family who had a beloved member commit the ill thought of and unspeakable act, the taking of his own life. \u00a0Madeline’s forthright and insightful words, whether intentional or not, will present an introspective opportunity to the reader. \u00a0Where the reader is unexpectedly provided the chance to self-reflect and wrestle with their own preconceived biases and inhibitions on this matter. \u00a0Those socially embedded judgments, which sadly cause a state of dis-ease, a lack of discernment concerning two separate but often associated components within the trials and tribulations of day-to-day living. Publicly\u00a0chosen and accepted labels, shadowed by the stigma of disease, mental illness and defect, called bipolar disorder and suicide.<\/em><\/p>\n In Leaving the Hall Light On, Madeline Sharples has graciously given forth the experience of her son’s journey through life as a precious gift. \u00a0Her son’s life and how he lived it, holds out tremendous value to those who care to listen. \u00a0Beneath the pain and stigma, is a cherished life, no matter if perceived as being tragically<\/em> cut short, in the end was well worth every moment it was humanly lived. \u00a0A life of a son, portrayed honestly without embarrassment or regret by the loving words of his mother. \u00a0The writing of this memoir with poems by Madeline Sharples may have been at times hard for her to say or bear; and yet, her heartfelt words keep alive the spirit of purpose and positive effect her son’s life experience will have on others, even after he chose to walk into the release of death. \u00a0Her son’s life and death offers us all the opportunity to learn and then personally grow as a human being ourselves.<\/em><\/p>\n Thank you Madeline Sharples for helping to let the memory, the spirit and the value of Paul’s life, get the chance to breathe fully within the beat of time.<\/em><\/p>\n Madeline’s book is truly ground breaking in my humble opinion. \u00a0She had the courage to expose the whole process, the after affect of when someone chooses to commit suicide and how those left behind have to deal with it all. \u00a0As we walked in Boston in the rain and cold, I looked at this petite woman in her mid-seventies walking stride for stride with me and asked, “Do you think if Paul could comeback in time and foresee the effect suicide has on those left behind, would it have prevented him from committing suicide?” \u00a0 My hero in life gently nodded her head and said yes.<\/p>\n I can only pray and hope when I say, I will tell you the tale<\/em> in this book of poetic words and images it will create the same ground breaking effect as Madeline Sharples memoir with poems – Leaving the Hall lights On.<\/p>\n Peace out !<\/p>\n I will tell you the tale<\/strong><\/p>\n listen ~ if your spirit and yet ~ listen ~ if your spirit I will do so ~ \u2026\u2026 it will also be for them<\/p>\n listen ~ if your spirit peace out<\/p>\n ~Keith Alan Hamilton~<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It wasn’t until the later part of the 1990’s when\u00a0my marriage was falling apart that I began to\u00a0accept I was a depressive. \u00a0I realized then that depression had always been a part of my life, I just chose to ignore it. \u00a0I remember\u00a0having\u00a0more persistent thoughts of suicide\u00a0during this time. Such thoughts flowed\u00a0forth in a river\u00a0of … Continue reading “Introduction”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2492","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-myabnormalitiesnormality"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.keithalanhamilton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2492","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.keithalanhamilton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.keithalanhamilton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.keithalanhamilton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.keithalanhamilton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2492"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"https:\/\/www.keithalanhamilton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2492\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2517,"href":"https:\/\/www.keithalanhamilton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2492\/revisions\/2517"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.keithalanhamilton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2492"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.keithalanhamilton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2492"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.keithalanhamilton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2492"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n’cause I\u2019ve
\nlearned to accept
\nthis kind of voice
\ngoing on
\nin my mind
\nas part of
\nthe normal process
\nof me being me
\nMY
\nABNORMALITIES
\nNORMALITY
\nregardless what others
\nmay or may not think
\nas the balloon is let go
\nby the little boy
\nto aimlessly
\ndrift in the sky
\nI have let go of
\nthe socially embedded
\npredisposition
\nand inhibition
\nthat emerges guilt \u00a0~
\ninstills shame
\nand I just let
\nthe notion
\nthe option of
\nlife\u2019s end
\nfloat around
\nand around
\nin my head
\nas the normal
\nminutia
\nplain old
\nthought stuff
\nnot overly
\nfocused on \u2026..<\/p>\n
\nas nothing more
\nnor nothing less<\/p>\n
\nis willing \u2026.
\nI will tell you the tale
\nthe ups and downs
\nof my super charged mind
\nthe time I\u2019ve spent
\nin the deep dark pit
\ncalled depression
\nand the notions I\u2019ve had
\nabout life\u2019s end<\/p>\n
\nall the while
\nall and all
\nI\u2019ve been able to live
\na socially proactive
\nPRO-HUMAN life
\nthat at the end
\nof most days
\nI\u2019ve been able
\nto be
\nthis functional
\nand productive
\nhuman being
\nthat has blessed
\nmy life
\nwith the gifts
\nof hope and joy
\nin spite of
\nthe shadow of melancholy
\ncast over my journey<\/p>\n
\nis willing \u2026.
\nI will tell you the tale
\nthe ups and downs
\nof my super charged mind
\nthe time I\u2019ve spent
\nin the deep dark pit
\ncalled depression
\nand the notions I\u2019ve had
\nabout life\u2019s end<\/p>\n
\nthrough the creative act
\na delicate mixture
\nbetween word and image
\nin just the right way
\nit will bring back to light
\nout of the darkness
\nthose hidden
\nsocially embedded
\npredispositions
\nand inhibitions
\nwith one purpose
\nto create
\na process
\nof open dialogue
\na form of communication
\nthat will hopefully nurture
\namong willing participants
\na more cooperative
\nPRO-HUMAN spirit
\nthat will emerge
\na healing for those
\nwho undergo mental conditions
\n(note: I didn\u2019t say, \u201cmental illness\u201d)
\nand may ponder
\na type of relief
\nfrom their trials
\nand tribulations
\nthrough the act of suicide
\nbut ~
\ninstead
\nin the end
\nthrough dialogue with others
\nit will lead to the continuance
\nof a more PROACTIVE life
\nfilled with hope and joy
\nlike I have found \u2026.<\/p>\n
\nis willing \u2026.
\nI will tell you the tale
\nthe ups and downs
\nof my super charged mind
\nthe time I\u2019ve spent
\nin the deep dark pit
\ncalled depression
\nand the notions I\u2019ve had
\nabout life\u2019s end<\/p>\n